Couples’ Therapy
Artwork by Alexander Milov We use the Gottman Method, which is the science-based, goal-oriented,
wonderfully effective theory that guides our work.
Couples therapy
This Gottman-based therapy centers around you and your individual issues. We can work with communication issues, building more friendship and connection, infidelity, sexual issues, feeling shut down to each other, lack of shared time and interests, different life goals, fighting, lack of fighting, spending more time together, having more emotional vulnerability and connection (safely), issues with money, issues with others, issues with family, issues around parenting, differences in values, and so much more!
90-minute couples therapy
If you are interested in moving forward in your relationship in a bigger way, contact us! This Gottman-based therapy centers around you and your individual issues. We can work with communication issues, building more friendship and connection, infidelity, sexual issues, feeling shut down to each other, lack of shared time and interests, different life goals, fighting, lack of fighting, spending more time together, having more emotional vulnerability and connection (safely), issues with money, issues with others, issues with family, issues around parenting, differences in values, and so much more!
Intensive couples therapy
If you are interested in moving forward in your relationship in a bigger way, contact us! We have a few openings for a weekend-session Intensive couples therapy experience. In 6 hours (3+3 with an hour break), we can go incredibly in-depth and move much more quickly than we would in 6 sessions. This Gottman-based therapy is all about you and your individual issues. We can work with communication issues, building more friendship and connection, infidelity, sexual issues, feeling shut down to each other, lack of shared time and interests, different life goals, fighting, lack of fighting, spending more time together, having more emotional vulnerability and connection (safely), issues with money, issues with others, issues with family, issues around parenting, differences in values, and so much more! This is an investment in your relationship.
About Gottman Method Couples Therapy
The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is based on Dr. John Gottman’s research, which has focused on what makes relationships succeed or fail.
From this research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have created a method of therapy that emphasizes a “nuts-and-bolts” approach to improving clients’ relationships.
This method is designed to help teach specific tools to deepen friendship and intimacy in your relationship. To help you productively manage conflicts, you will be given methods to manage “resolvable problems” and dialogue about “gridlocked” (or perpetual) issues. We will also work together to help you appreciate your relationship’s strengths and to gently navigate through its vulnerabilities.
This work follows your lead (we aren’t doing a scripted thing each week), but we do put some things in place as we go:
Understanding your partner’s point of view when managing conflict. We slow it down and make sure each side feels heard and understood. To accomplish this, we use “I” statements, talk about feelings, and state positive needs. Studies have shown that cooperation happens best (even with warring countries!) after both sides effectively understand the other’s point of view.
Eliminating the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These are: (1) Defensiveness, (2) Criticism, (3) Stonewalling, and (4) Contempt. Did you know that contempt is the number one predictor of divorce/separation? Interesting fact: research shows that something as small as eye-rolling counts as contempt, and is a reliable predictor of divorce if couples don’t intervene.
We deal directly with “gridlocked” issues. And we don’t solve most of them. Research shows that about 80% of issues in relationships are never solved. We can, however, learn to dialogue about them, come to an understanding, and find ways to understand the need behind the conflict.
We work on skills like self-soothing, making effective repairs, learning how to start up a conversation with each other, de-escalating quarrels, processing fights and betrayals, and so much more.
We work on building friendship and intimacy, making room for fun and laughter, turning toward each other, and creating shared meaning. Remembering why you like each other and finding joy in your relationship is the whole point, right?
What should you expect in your sessions?
In true Gottman therapy, your first three sessions are all about getting to know you in your relationship.
This includes discussion and paperwork.
It’s VERY thorough, but it’s also fascinating!
Before we begin working on your challenges, we need to know what they are.
We also need to know about your strengths, your coping mechanisms,
your patterns, and your stuck points.
If you decide to proceed,
here’s how our first three sessions will go:
Session 1
Oral History
Both of you attend together.
We’ll work to gain understanding about your relationship up to this point.
At the end of this session, you’ll go home with paperwork. It will take you a while to get through it, but it will give us a clear and thorough picture of who you both are, and what you need.
Session 2
Separate Sessions
This session should be about 90 minutes, but we may see each of you separately, for 45 minutes. This can be scheduled separately if needed.
In this session, we’ll get more deeply into your needs as individuals, and what you hope for in your life and relationship. We’ll be referring to the paperwork you already filled out, as well as anything that seems important to you.
Session 3
Going over everything
We all come back together.
We will discuss your strengths and challenges as a couple, and what will come next.
After this session, we are ready to begin the work. At each session, you’ll bring in what seems most important to you, and we’ll work from there.